I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
