Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
