The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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