Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
