i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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