and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
