theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
