Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
