he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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