i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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