it wasn't lemon gatorade
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
