I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.