The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif