Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon