I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
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Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday