so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.