someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Randomize
