I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
