ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Someone signed my nipple.
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