Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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