I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
