No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
