yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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