Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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