I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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