feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
