Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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