woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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