her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
