I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What a fucking waste of an outfit
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
