I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
