Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
