Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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