my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
