Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
