I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
