how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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