just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
honey bunches of taint.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
