You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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