just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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