did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
