She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were trust falling into bushes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
