and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
