U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
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Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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