Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
