Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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