I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
