i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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