you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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