ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
