called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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