The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
