i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
bring money and cleavage
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
