the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
