I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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