Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
