R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
