I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
