Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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