You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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