my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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