the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
