Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
