i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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