everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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