I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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