New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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